The weird world of Kindle page-turner remotes

So you buy a Kindle and you think to yourself, “I sure would like to turn the pages from way over here, surely there’s a solution for that?” Well, to my personal surprise, I have recently learned both that people who want to turn eReader pages at a distance exist (it makes sense when you think about it) and that Kindles in particular have no elegant way of achieving this goal. Hence, the existence of weird and wacky “Kindle page turners.”